it was only a gesture
but he worried that it would be seen as one of defeat
and this was something he always tried to avoid
so he turned his attention to something on the surface
they wore a light teal sweater
it was quite fluffy when inspected closely
and it felt very soft against their skin
they had no way of distinguishing
one’s feeling from those of another
for they were one
at least it was this way now
it had not always been so
but it had been this way for some time
and this made him uncomfortable
it was for this reason that he wanted to resign
he could not stand being part of the group
sharing all these feelings
having this collective skin
these shared eyes and ears
smelling the same thing as everyone else
he knew the rationale
it was sound
he could not fault it
certainly he agreed that it was more efficient for the species
to share things at the sensory level
this meant more efficient processing of information
and fewer distractions
there could be no gossip
and no small talk
for there was nothing to share
at least nothing trivial
so minds could do the work of minds
and matter?
well, it simply did not matter
it was relegated to a level way below
and the intellect presided over it
like the pompous professor in the ivory tower
but because there was this split
this great gulf between physical experience
and mental processing
the one collective
the other individual
he felt trapped
he felt that there was no way to get at authenticity
at the real truth behind everything
he often wondered…
what if everything thought was merely
a task fed into the brain?
say it included instructions on how to process it
and what sort of result to return?
without independent sensory experience there would be no way to find out
but the trouble was that if there was a way to get one’s own sense organs
and process things individually, one would still be stuck in the world
where everything sensory was fired at all beings in such a standardised way
that all experiences would be much the same anyway
but now he was tired
and the soft fluffy teal sweater against his skin
started to distract him from his thoughts
and as he started to drift
to resign from the grinding mental work
that he was compelled to continue with every day
throughout his conscious hours
he had the feeling that
often his thoughts were much
the same as everyone else’s
but he had no way to verify this
but the feeling now was stronger
and he did know that everyone felt this all at once
since it began more swiftly now
and more strongly to overwhelm them all
by then it had reached a point where it was useless
for the mind to resist
it had to let go
as they all dissolved into the fine and tightly woven soft teal sweater
to sleep once again as one
it was always the same
- for coco