Of course. There are so many things that I love to do and would love to keep doing all day every day but so little time. Fuck time. What is time? How ridiculous is it all?

So here we are and there is this finite thing. Curious, curious life is until it slips away. and then?

Sport it seems makes sense to focus on whilst youth is still within easy grasp. Last year I tried to focus my schedules around training every day for surfing and kitesurfing. It worked out rather nicely. It felt good. I progressed, in some ways less than hoped, in other ways, full of surprises, I exceed expectations.

After a great year last year I’m facing a blank slate. What to set my sights on this year?

Art, music, writing, sport. Suppose these are the most important things to me. Then of course there’s family and culture and health etc. Well I want to make sure that I commit to some of the things that are really important. Sport got enough attention last year. I want to give it as much this year. Writing got enough last year. I want to give as much again. Art did not get enough. In practice it got bits. It was sporadic. I absorbed much more than I put out. Which of course is good in many ways. Since art school this, I suppose, has been the case. However, the past 3 years have been much better in terms of output than the first years between graduation and working. I suppose this was to be expected. Music, again since art school as been a case of poor output but reasonable input. So this year hopefully makes a difference in that I’m committing early on to some music and art output routines.

So although I can’t make up my mind about what’s most important - an impossible and ludicrous task - I’m pretty scatologically focused on lots of stuff I love and looking forward to it and enjoying it every day… he he he…

I wrote this piece above early this year when having a bit of a slow frustrating day. Then I must have got shy or just bored and forgot to publish it. Reading it now I guess it expresses what I have sort of done this year and what I hope to do more of next year. Hopefully next year will be more music and particularly more rhythmic music. In life in general I think this is one of my main problems - finding a good pulse and getting in groove and tune with it. I’m starting to find the groove more in surfing different waves. In the past I was always more attracted to flute music and wild and crazy solos. I still love the experessive non-conformist qualities of this kind of stuff.  But now I’m starting to realise that they are totally silly alone in the dark. They need to be mixed and shared. I suppose I’m kind of living and learning slowly…

Thank You.

All my troubles seemed so far away…

I wrote a few things in the last couple of days that some people did not like.

I have had a bit of a rough time lately. The reasons for this are complex. Some are my own fault and I take full responsibility for them. Other things I am still trying to understand with some professional help and family support.

As there is a bit of confusion and this is a time for reflection and recovery before considering future growth I have removed the most offensive posts following the advice of my editor.

I will be working on paintings for a little forthcoming club exhibition as planned. I will also be teaching kitesurfing and surfing for the South African Summer season as I have done the past three seasons. I will post more about these things soon.

Please check out lifekitesurfing.com

and

manwithflowers.com

for more info on the arty sporty stuff. More will be added there soon.

Warmest regards from Africa.

Have fun.

Thank You.

for the second time in my life i am in hospital for over
10 days. there have been a few other times but i feel that these two longer stays have really made the biggest impact. it sounds cheesy but i think that really they have been life changing.

the first time it was in london for complications and infections following surgery. the highs were the people - the patients, the doctors and of course the infinitely inspiring phenomenally dedicated nurses. my family was always on the phone and my beautiful amazing wife was always by my side and holding my hand when i needed her.

now i am in a mental hospital. physically i have never felt better. but emotionally i have a lot of work to do. i have ended up alienating a lot of the people closest to me and i feel really shit about this.

but admitting this makes me feel stronger and i am hoping not to repeat too many of the same mistakes.

the main things driving me are family, my neglected wife who still takes time to talk to me and my friends. but the thing that really helps me keep my life on track the most when i’m not too weak and desperate is surfing. as soon as i get out of here i’m going straight to the beach.

thank you.